Month: July 2008

Short Fat Girl gets short short hair

I have wanted short hair for a long time now.  Very short hair.  Last week, a girlfriend told me she had seen a woman at the pool with my build (aka fat) and my face (aka round and full moonish) with a short little boy haircut and it looked awesome.  I was so excited to hear this.  You see, I am of the “you can’t have short hair if you are fat” generation.  I don’t know if our mothers told us that, our peers, our hairdressers or who, but I felt inspired.  The next day, I did some research online about fat girls with short haircuts.  I found a few blogs, some web pages for weight loss….interesting how that always seems to pop up when I type fat……and I finally found this entry on the Shapely Prose (lol your fat)blog.  She struggles to find a person who will cut her hair and not give her grief.  Check out her head gals…she rocks.  So, I drum up all of my strength and make an appointment at a local salon.  I am completely prepared to go tete a tete with anyone who might comment on my size vs. the size of my hair.  I mean, how much of my fat does my hair really cover up anyway? 

I go to the salon armed with a printout of the entire blog about her haircut, plus her photo.   Leo washes my hair and asks what I want to do with my hair today.  I tell him I want to cut it all off.  Leo proceeds to tell me how great I am going to look with short hair.  That my hair is going to be like art.  Then, he puts his hands around his head, like they are earmuffs and says….”What do you think this is doing for you anyway?”  He is referring to the curls that bush from my head. 

Since I got the haircut about a million compliments.  Only three “negatives”.  I think people are confused about who I am with this new do!!!  I’ll post a photo tonight. 

Till then.  Call me pixie!!!

This is my short fat haircut

This is my short fat haircut

Self acceptance tricks….

REVOLUTION UNDERWAY

This has been an unbelievable experience.  I can’t tell you how great it is to know I am not in this game of self blah-ness alone.  Check this out,  first, I am getting tons of feedback from athletes of all sizes who are interested in getting workout clothes.  I keep forwarding our news onto the owner of Run Chicago.  When he tells me the clothes are there, let’s plan to storm the store.  

Second, I had a conversation with my girlfriends this weekend about this whole idea of self acceptance.  One is the same girl I mention in an earlier post.  A point I was pursuing is this….this ever unreachable goal thing.  Saying, if I could only lose weight, I’ll be happier.  (you know what I am talking about)  I asked them flat out if they knew of anyone who made a change like losing weight and actually said they felt better about themselves.  Nope, not one.  The changes that make us feel better are the changes we make about the way we feel about ourselves today.  I am on the path, but I at least can see it this time, like the Brady kids in the Hawaiian cave, I can see the path.  Self acceptance is exactly that.  We have to do it ourselves.  I have started a little internal battle that I believe the side of the light is going to win. 

Here it is….”SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  That’s right, “SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Every time a negative thought enters my brain about myself (others are still fair game, I need to continue to be snide) I tell myself to shut up.  I have been working on this all week.  It isn’t easy, but I seem to be saying it a little less frequently than I was last week at this time.  Give it a try, you might be surprised how often you knock yourself down.

NEWS UPDATE!!!!

I received an e-mail from the guys at Run Chicago see earlier article He says….”what sizes do you want!!!”  Ladies, send me your sizes, tops, bottoms and Enell (0r other bra preferences.) 

I want to get him the information and then blast the world with the fact that he listened, he bought, and we will purchase from him based on his selection and his interest in US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’ll see if he’ll track the purchase power we have.  Tell him you heard about him here!  Like I say, this is a REVOLUTION.

Success vs. Good Enough….can they be the same?

I was out for coffee a few days back when I overheard a friend of mine taking about how she doesn’t feel good about herself.  I was astounded.  I mean, this chick has it all, a great home, a great job, a great life partner, a great sense of humor, a great family, she is fit and fabulous and here she is, in the flesh talking to ME (the president of Not Good Enough Land) about her own self image.  This is universal isn’t it?  It isn’t just me, it isn’t just you, it’s a lot of women and men out there filled with self doubt.  My issues go like this…..   

I am not a good enough mother, wife, swimmer, runner, biker or friend.  My body is not good enough. 

When I read the list of these things, pretty much every in every aspect of my life I don’t feel good enough at and that scares the shit out of me.  Do I seriously need to improve upon every single aspect of my being or am I so used to saying it, it has become an automatic way to think about myself?  For example, I put in the list I am not a good enough friend.  Okay, so what does that mean, did some girlfriend tell me that?  No!!!  What is a good enough friend?  Who holds the yardstick on that one?    What is a good size?  I arbitrarily tell myself that the magic number is size 16.  Well, wake up and smell the poop, I used to be a size 16 and I STILL didn’t think I was good enough.  I STILL needed to be smaller…not good enough.

I was given the yard stick of good enough but the words “good enough” were never actually written on the wood.  When I ask the question of myself, what does a good enough mother look like, I can’t wrap my arms around what that is…I just feel that I am not good enough.  I don’t know if defining good enough is something that we are supposed to stumble upon through life, or if it is something shown to us by our parents.  Either way, no one has ever said to me…”now that, that thing over there, is success.” 

So, this is my personal question to you.  Are you good enough?  Are there aspects of your life that you feel like you are successful in, are there areas that you too are challenged thinking you aren’t good enough. 

Tell me about you, I am dying to know.

Fat girl buys wetsuit

I call the dressing room the Satan’s Den of Despair.  I asked for a barf bag because my nerves were shot.  After about 15 minutes of pain, I got it on.  It is a Mens XL …but it fit….I feel a little like something shrink wrapped, but….I got it.  I told the owner how difficult it is for someone my short fat size to come into a store like his and see nothing obvious that fits except a sweatband.  He seemed to “hear” what I was talking about.  He also assured me that EVERYONE feels uncomfortable trying to put on a wetsuit.

I guess the lesson learned here for me is not to jump to conclusions.  Sometimes, even in the most unimaginable places, things might actually fit. 

The intended owner had a penis, but I have BALLS!!!

 

Lake Michigan is friggin cold

So, fellow triathletes and more specifically, any of you who are larger than a supermodel, or just plain large like myself…..today, in mere hours, I will attempt to (drum-roll) TRY ON A WETSUIT.  Shoot, if you thought fat girls shouldn’t wear pumps, wait till people get a load of this.  

Here is the dilemma.  I am doing a long triathlon this summer.  In the friggin frigid waters of Lake Michigan.  I have avoided and avoided going to any store to shop for a wet suit because….wait, I don’t need to tell YOU why….you already know.  So, I have been on forums, on triathlon web sites, athena/clydesdale websites all looking for a wetsuit.  What I have found is this.  There are some companies out there who make wetsuits for plus size gals.  I am a short 5 ‘ 3″ size  anywhere from 18 – 22.  They make them.  They’ll send you one, have you take some measurements, you send it back, they alter it.  This may be the way I go.  There are, in fact, some on-line merchants that you send your measurements to them and they whip up a wetsuit for you. 

I decided, before I shop online, I need to find out if there is anything here in Chicago.   Here is how my conversation with Mission Bay went:

“Hi, Steve, Um….I’d like to know if you have any plus size wet suits.”

“Um, yes, we do”

“What sizes do those run in?

“Well, I actually need to ask you something that no one feels comfortable asking….how tall are you and what do you weigh”

“5’3″ and 230 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (Edvard Munch screamer)

He checked downstairs and in the lockers and tells me….well, we have some men’s suits that might work for you, but really, you are going to need to come into the store to try some on.

So folks, I am on my way there in a few minutes.  I may have to drink heavily afterward, but can you believe it?  I am actually challenging myself to do something that I REALLY DON’T WANT TO DO, but I must.

I figure, even if they don’t have a wetsuit for me, I’ll be able to educate them on the importance of focusing on  the big girls too…….wish me luck…….send me good thoughts……please.