I miss sharing my experiences of spinning out of control and the day to day nonsense that is my life.
I stopped blogging this summer because a good friend read my blog post and thought I was targeting her. This devastated me. I never intended to hurt anyone with this blog. Please know that while I can’t guarantee that things I write won’t hurt, I promise I will never write to hurt you, to call you out, to pick on you for something you said, to shame you or to make you feel less than. I promise that I will write about my shit and only mine. It is possible that your shit and my shit will occasionally collide and that’s what makes us able to relate. That’s what helps us connect. This is an amazing image, connected shit. Like shit cars on a train track or a linked shit necklace…I digress.
Shit train cars.
I can understand how this happened. We’ve reached a point using social media as a main method of communication that we post things that we would never say to a person directly. Admit it, I know I have shared articles and stories on Facebook knowing that the content would needle THAT person. It is so much easier to click the share button than it is to look someone in the face and tell them that they hurt you, or tell them you think their opinions about applesauce are offensive.
I hope that if you decide to read this you will give me the benefit of the doubt.
I reached out to the mother of that kid, you know, the one from last week. It was the best thing I did last week. I am torn between having my middle school boy figure things out on his own and helping him. How do I decide if I am being too much of a mother hen? I was lucky to have a friend prod me along.
This other mother was amazing. We shared our experiences. Talked about the struggles we are having raising strong, dependent, sensitive, kind men. She told me how her kid had been bullied last year and how hard that was for him.We shared our stories and I felt connected to another parent for the first time in a long time. I can’t make your child like mine. I realize that. But if you and I connect, we can guide our kids through the difficult decisions.
I am disconnected with the community of parents that I had in elementary school and I feel alone.Because of that disconnection, it is hard to be vulnerable with all of you and explain to you that my child is hurting. He is having a hard time navigating the world of middle school. The tiers of friends, the groups, the gangs, and the mentality. I worry for him every day. There are scary stats out there about what our kids do when they feel helpless, hopeless and alone.
I advocate for myself and maybe even push my beliefs on to those that I love…with or without their permission. I need to wake up to the fact that this is not my job. There are people out there who don’t agree with my thinking. (the gall right?)
Just last year I had a discussion with my dear friend Tony (RIP) about global warming and climate change. He wasn’t denying the possibility of climate change he was just asking that I consider alternative thinking. I got flustered and frustrated during the conversation (I think I drank the rest of the vodka in the freezer) and tried to change the subject. Tony challenged me to push the boundaries of my thinking all of the time. He was a middle of the road guy, not an extremist, but I had a hard time talking with him about basic belief of mine.
I need to practice the act of “staying in my lane.” I stand securely in my belief structure assembled around me. But I am reminded today that these values are mine. I do not need to subject anyone else to my beliefs unless asked. It’s a belief, not a fact and I don’t need you to believe what I believe.