One of my favorite things in the world to eat is toffee. Not just any toffee, but the homemade Christmas toffee I make. Nearly two cups of sugar, 1 ¼ cups of butter, this year I added chipotle…you get the point. I typically make the toffee only at Christmas because…well, I’ve only ever made it at Christmas.
When the toffee is around it is hard for me to eat responsibly. I eat piece after piece whenever I want it. I know that with my disordered eating I need to eat at certain times of the day …7:00, 11:30, 3:30, 7:00 and 9:00 pm. (give or take 30 minutes on either side) When the toffee is around, I will break that schedule tricking myself into thinking that because it is a “special” food, I can have it whenever I want it. It has a Christmassy glittery shimmer that screams…EAT ME NOW BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WAIT A YEAR TO HAVE IT AGAIN!!!!
Trying to debunk the “this is only a Christmas food” myth, I made the toffee again a couple of weeks ago for a dinner party. At the end of the night I gave the remaining toffee away. I was proud that I was able to let it go to another family; it needed a good home. Apparently the toffee didn’t appreciate our breakup because it returned to me this weekend. (how that family I gave it to didn’t finish it in ONE WHOLE WEEK, I’ll never understand) I was completely unprepared to travel with it in my car on a long road trip and I was unprepared to sleep with it in my cabin 2 nights in a row.
This refreshes two lessons for me.
- I need to stop making certain foods seem so special. If the food’s glitter and shimmer diminish, I am less likely to get dreamy eyed around it. An example, one of my favorite foods is Haggen Das Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream. The truth is that I can get it at any 7-11 and 7-11 is open 24 hours a day. This is not a so called “special” food. (I believe there are guys from my past I treated this way as well)
- I need to plan snacks and meals that include these foods I have deemed as “special.” My list includes, peanut butter M & M’s, Trader Joe’s Peanut Butter pretzels, toffee, popcorn, and dark chocolate. As I look toward the rest of my week I am going to plan to have a couple of these as a planned snack.
What are your special, glittery foods?