wetsuit

Me=Sausage – Wetsuit=Casing

In preparation for the lake swim this week, I had to try on the wetsuit I bought a couple of years ago for the Chicago Triathlon.  Some of you may remember that the original purchase of the wetsuit I fondly call Michelin was one the most horrible shopping experiences of my life. That was in preparation for Accenture.  Today, I am heavier and rounder than I was a couple of years ago, but I spent $200 on the thing and need to use it for this program.  The lake is 67 degrees and Thursday evening we are doing our first lake swim.  I need to try it on.  So, I went upstairs to my non air-conditioned room on the most humid night in recent history with the worst sunburn I have had since 6th grade, sprayed some goo on my ankles feet and legs and began the process of pulling the wetsuit on.  Inch by inch I progressed, I was nearly out of energy, sweat was rolling into my eyes, and I had only reached just past my knees.  This was going to be a long haul.  Pulling pushing putting twisting aching and rolling on the floor and finally, the thing was on past my ass.  With a twist and pull of the arms, over my shoulders (added tire marks to the sunburn) – but it was on.  I couldn’t get it zipped, so I went downstairs to have husband zip Michy.  It took a few minutes and some construction equipment, but finally, it was ON.  Wet sweat hair plastered on my head, I looked at my husband who asked  “Is it too big?”  I nearly killed him.  The scary part is that the whole process took over 30 minutes.  I am supposed to swim at the lake with a group of people after work.  I am NOT going to go through that workout in front of humans.  My strategy is this:  Dress in the gym at work, but only wear the suit to my waist.  Have K pick me up in front of my building.  At the beach, finish dressing and have K zip me up.  I hope it all works out and that I don’t spontaneously combust in the car or while we are waiting to start swimming.  I really question why I joined this program.

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It IS a small world afterall!! URBAN ASSAULT ROCKS!

Urban Assault Ride Chicago. What a BLAST. I can hardly wait to see the photos they post on line. I can’t wait for next year. Those of you out there who didn’t do it missed a great time and a great party afterward. This was the height of fun. People were so friendly (besides the cop at the zoo) Thanks UAR for a great Chicago day. If I could do these types of events, why would I ever do triathlons again? Speaking of triathlons. This guy comes up to me at the post race event. He looks familiar, vaguely, and he says, “didn’t I sell you a wetsuit?” Holy crap, it is none other than Troy from Mission Bay Multisport.   I start laughing my ass off just thinking of the day that Kitty and I went in there to try on our wetsuits.  So, here I am talking to the guy who put me through that torture.  We chatted it up a few minutes.  I recounted my superfast speed at Accenture (NOT!)  But I also let him know how fun it was.  Then, just to make sure he had heard my rant about equal size clothing when I had been in the store, I asked if he had been getting any other clothes in for the big gal.  He said he was in the process of investigating it and had ordered some skorts.  I told him about Run Chicago and how well they did with their clothes.  I think he was a little jealous.   Anyhooo, just needed to continue my fatactivitsm!!  Again, plus size clothing people out there, get your stuff in the stores.  We’ll buy it, we want to try things on.  We want to give you money for goods.  So, Mission Bay Multisport.  How about getting something in MULTISIZES????????????

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Fat girl buys wetsuit

I call the dressing room the Satan’s Den of Despair.  I asked for a barf bag because my nerves were shot.  After about 15 minutes of pain, I got it on.  It is a Mens XL …but it fit….I feel a little like something shrink wrapped, but….I got it.  I told the owner how difficult it is for someone my short fat size to come into a store like his and see nothing obvious that fits except a sweatband.  He seemed to “hear” what I was talking about.  He also assured me that EVERYONE feels uncomfortable trying to put on a wetsuit.

I guess the lesson learned here for me is not to jump to conclusions.  Sometimes, even in the most unimaginable places, things might actually fit. 

The intended owner had a penis, but I have BALLS!!!