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Lakefront Hell, winter runs

Last week I saw an online post from fellow former athlete K. She mentioned she had signed up for the Chicago Endurance Sports Spring ½ marathon training. I couldn’t believe it. How could she possibly sign up for something without me. Where is the love? Where is the camaraderie? I immediately thought, “there is no flipping way I am signing up for that.” Three minutes later I was on the phone with K trying to figure out how much I needed to pay and when it was starting. So I go from a couch potato who hasn’t worked out in months one minute, to a person in training for a ½ marathon the next minute. K mentioned that the training would start on Saturday morning, with a 3 mile run on the lakefront. Reminder folks. It is February.

Showed up Saturday, the windiest day of the year to run on the lakefront. K informs me that the run is 4 miles, not 3. GREAT. The entire thing was pretty much a big flipping joke as I could barely walk into the wind let alone run. But who am I kidding, I really can’t run in the sun with no wind. This is a run/walk program. 3 minutes run to 2 minutes walk. I swear though, that pacer wasn’t checking her Timex enough because I KNOW she had us run for more than 3 minutes at a time. Felt lucky I didn’t slip and fall on my ass, but in the end I still felt like I had.

But wait, there is more to the training. From that Saturday hellish activity I ran again Monday and Wednesday and swam Tuesday and Thursday. My beluga moves in the pool would have impressed Phelps.

Saturday’s 5 mile run nearly killed me.  I seemed to struggle with too many layers, tightening lungs from the cold air, and tired legs all around.  Curious wonders and questions about why our noses run so much in the cold were topics of the day.  But, we did it.  On to another week.  Next Saturday is suppposed to be 6 miles.  Hmmm.  We’ll see.

Mantis and the Butterfly lessons

I was looking forward through my calendar when I saw a February entry that said “order preying mantis”.  I chuckled because I bought my daughter a preying mantis habitat to hatch eggs and watch them grow.    By the time I ordered the habitat, the eggs weren’t available.  I have a coupon to order them later this month. 

There are all sorts of rules about when to order, how many to keep in the cage at a time, there is some rule about the number of mantis that allowed in the cage at a time.  I’ll study a little more before we reach the date. 

Last spring I ordered caterpillars to raise and release as butterflies.   The kids loved the experience and were thrilled when they saw how much the worms grew each day.  When they turned to chrysalis it was so cool and then to actually watch the butterflies hatch was wonderful.  We decided to make a big deal about releasing them and do it on my birthday.  The weather was on the warm side and it seemed the perfect day to let our new winged friends go.  My kids and some other neighborhood children watched as we let the first of them go.  Up, Up, Up, she flew.  We watched as she made her ascent.  All of a sudden from the park across the street came a red breasted robin who chased and chomped that butterfly in one bite.  The shrieks from the children and adults were heard through the entire neighborhood.  Releasing the rest of the butterflies was more of a fearful act after that.  To this day when my daughter sees a robin, she points him out and says, “Mommy, that bwird over dere, he ate my butterfwy.”

Hmmm, I wonder what we’ll see the mantises eat?

Progressive Appetizers and Drinks, 5 houses, 5 hours, 10 friends!!

I have always housed a bit of envy for tight knit little neighborhoods where people spend time together, raising children, eating and drinking together.  I guess I imagine the smalls subdivisions of my youth with the swimming pools their center (in which I never lived).  Last summer I was pleasantly surprised when hundreds of my closest neighbors enjoyed a movie in the park across the street.  That evening, I snuck out with a few fellow parents for a mini spontaneous wine tasting.  The idea of a travelling appetizer and drinks evening was born.  5 homes in five hours.  Little bites and cocktails at each one.  Fellow blogger and neighbor Virtual Farm Girl blogged about the evening already and is going to compile a list of the recipes.   The food was amazing. 

I feel incredibly fortunate to have such talented drinking friends.  Our kids got along fabulously and so did the grownups.  My husband passed out a 10 and I was right behind him.  I hurt so much the following day, but what a great night.  I would kill for the empanadas and soup right now.

Roler Derby Days are over…for now

It turns out I really hurt my hamstring.  Not saying I am out of this forever, but for this session, the Derby isn’t for me.  I think the best idea is to actually learn how to skate again.  The idea of falling again and hurting the leg even more really forced me to question my resolve.  I’m out for now.  What next?  Who knows, but I can’t imagine it won’t be exciting.

What the *@ck was I thinking?

Turns out knee pads were the least of my worries.  I have experienced pain and embarrassment in my life.  Ask pretty much anyone who knows me and they have either witnessed it or have heard about it.  Last night, I was more embarrassed than I have been since I learned that I was calling my best Thai friend “vagina” because I was saying her name with the wrong tone.

Here is an excerpt from the Park District bulletin that got me into this situation.  I have underlined the points that pertain to me.

Derby Lite has created a new version of its recreational league that makes it easy for any woman whether an avid skater or not on wheels since middle school, an athlete or a couch potato to get her exercise in for the week and have a great time doing it. No experience required. Ladies build core strength, endurance, balance, cardio, agility, flexibility and upper body strength, while also building confidence, friendships and a sense of community.

Here is my translation:

Derby Lite has created a new torture method that is both recreational and impossible.  If you are an avid skater come on board.  If you haven’t skated since middle school, you don’t stand a frigging chance because we’re going to work your ass off so hard, you won’t be able to sit when you get home.  An athlete may make it.  A couch potato will spend most of her time on the floor trying to balance with her non existent core to get up off of the floor.  You will be flexible.  If not, you will land in such a position that you will finally  be able to do the splits you couldn’t do in elementary school gymnastics.  Confidence?  Every ounce of confidence will fly out the door?

Do you remember when Tom Cruise jumped down the stairs in Risky Business?  You know, that position with one leg straight out, one leg bent with a skate on its foot.  I landed like that on the floor last night.  I actually believe I heard my muscle pop.  I LANDED like this folks.  HARD.

Imagine the guy in the photo as me, only put a skate on his left leg and have him flat on the ground with the other leg just off to the side. Got it?

This was the hardest workout I have had in years.  I have no core strength, that is something I am going to start to work on again tomorrow!  I leave you with the quote of the day.  A young whipper snapper in class came up to me and said “Ma’am?  I think you are very brave to be doing this.”  Brave?  No.  Brain damaged?  Perhaps.  I can imagine a day when it will be fun.  Till then it was fun in a root canal sort of way.  I will be back though.   Next time I’ll be stronger and I’ll keep track of how many times I fall.  Till then!

I want my MAJAMAS!!!

I actually believe that plus size women want to wear stylish clothes. I know this is shocking to the world that the big girls would like to wear something that doesn’t look like a table cloth or oversized  Hanes t-shirt dress. We like to look good and feel good in our clothes. I have seen some cute clothes on the racks of stores that ignore my bigness. It seems to me that it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch (no pun intended) to tailor some for the big girl.

A local designer and chic wear specialist told me last week that we (meaning fat girls) don’t buy the clothes. “I couldn’t give the plus sized stuff away.” she said. I would have loved to have been there when she was passing these items out.

I am telling you and the rest of the world. We are dying for the cute clothes, especially in those fabrics you have over there lady Majama.  Make a Rosarito and a Genevieve in my size!! Give me a Cabo or a Quince!!! Give us a try once again. Throw in some yoga pants, leggings and other stuff and we’ll even wear it!!

Maybe we’ll even help you market it!!!!

Ever the environmentalist, the birds thank me

On my way to work yesterday I got to the top of the stairs from the el blue line.  As I was walking down the street I saw this little bitty bird hopping along.  I don’t usually stop for birds, but I rarely see infant birds on the street downtown.  This one, while not actually cute, looked so out of place and scared.  I watched it as many people passed us by.  Each time he tried to hop into the street, I would shoo him back.  I had a dilema, I couldn’t leave the bird to hop into rush hour traffic, but this looked like a rare bird.  Like maybe a falcon baby.  There are falcon nests in that area of the loop.  Peplexed I was thrilled when a young woman stopped and remarked on my rare baby bird find.  “Wow, you don’t see that every day” she said.  “I know, I know, but I don’t know what to do!”  I expained that there are many people at my work who would know exactly what to do with a baby falcon like this.  If she would wait on the sidewalk and make sure the baby didn’t go into the road, I would run to work, get a box and figure out what to do.  She agreed, halfheartedly and asked me to hurry.  So this big breasted baby bird saver environmental freak ran at top speed to work.  I took the elevator to the 16th floor and frantically began the search for a fellow bird saver.  I found a box and found a guy who knew the phone number of a bird rescue place.  I asked him to call it while I returned to the scene.  I rushed through the lobby, out the doors and around the corner only to find a new man, a hippy dude dressed a bit like Steve Erwin used to dress.  He is talking on the cell phone as I proudly display my cardboard box for the falcon baby.  After a few minutes on the phone, he gets off and with a tiny smirk says, “the baby pigeon thanks you.”

The pigeon population of America increases again…thanks to me.

For those of you curious, a baby pigeon looks nothing like a grown pigeon, though I am told nothing like a baby hawk either.  Here is a photo of a baby pigeon.

New Lady Ice Cream hits the road

A new bike commuter hit the  road in May.  If it didn’t still feel like winter here, I would be riding in all of the time.  I hadn’t used the bike to get to work since in the 90s.  Pitiful really.  So, this group I biked with has a path that wanders through some interesting neigborhoods.  Various street vendors shout at the group and welcome them on thier daily commute.  As one gave me a high five and cheered me on the way, he called me “new lady ice cream.”  I know he was referring to my skin color, because how could he know about my favorite food group?  Check out my new pannier I bought at Dan’s.  I got one in Maroon.  So far, so good, and it comes with a “waterproof” cover for the rainy days.  Though I must say that they day I got caught in the complete downpour the inner bike was a little damp.

My Brain aka The Black Hole

A counselor told me that more people start going to therapy during this time of year than any other time of year.  I don’t think this is surprising, given the way I have been feeling the past couple of weeks.  So, I began to poll people to see how they have been feeling lately.  The shocking results are this…..98.62% of the people I know feel like crap right now.  Isn’t that interesting?  There are all sorts of reasons this is true:  

  • The winter isn’t quite over.  At least in the Midwest the weather is beautiful today, but we all know this is an attempt to lure us into putting our winter clothes away only to have to pull them out of boxes in a couple of days.   Argh!   
  • There are no real holidays in the dead of winter.  Once Christmas, Hanukah and the King of Thailand’s birthday have passed, we’ve got NOTHING until Easter, which despite celebrating the resurrection, at best, is a good meal and quick bunny egg hunt.   
  • With that extra hour per day, I have another hour to sit and feel like crap about the many things I am doing wrong…..do I spend enough time with the kids, should they be reading more, have I been a good friend, are these pants too short?

    •  Here is what I am going to try to do for the next week.  Every time I think something negative that will only bring me down I am going to say the phrase, “Black Hole approaching, divert, divert!.” out loud.  Not a shout, mind you, but I am going to actually say it.   If I am in a meeting and I can’t say it without getting locked up, I am going to write it on my notepad.  If I am swimming while this happens, shouting it in my brain or mouthing it will have to do.  

    I am going to try to keep a tally, you do the same.

    Life is too short to spend it all thinking bad things…just read the headlines.

    Legwarmers = bulging thigh girl superhero for the fat girl
    Here is an example of a pair of legwarmers. Reminder, if I wore these they would hit just above my knees....very sexy

    Here is an example of a pair of legwarmers. If I wore these they would hit just above my knees....very sexy

    Last night as I was  waiting for the fierce blizzard that never came but kept me up all night, I was thinking about appropriate, fashionable items for someone my size to wear during the winter.   There was a time when I didn’t think of these things at all, but alas one day on the way to work I looked at myself in a glass storefront window and the bottom back of my skirt was safely tucked into the waist of my long underwear.  Yes, my ass was hanging out for not just a walk to work from the el, but the walk from home to the el and an entire train ride.  How did I not notice, you may ask?  Layering my friends, much layering.  By the way, thanks to those of you who saw me and said nothing.  Anyway, as I think about that faux pas, I start to go through winter wardrobe do’s and don’ts for us big chicks. 

    Coat?  Yes, that is acceptable clothing.  And I say for Chicago winters, any shape size is a go.  Stadium, puffy, short, ski, go for it.

    Sweater?  Yep, that is too, acceptable.

    Gloves?  OOOHHH getting getting risque, maybe mittens. 

    Legwarmers?   Ye….yes, I said legwarmers.   So here is the nitty gritty truth of the matter.  I LOVE legwarmers, especially the styles (are they really?) of legwarmers I see the 20 somethings out there wearing on my way to the train.  How convenient as well, I bet they really keep those calves warm…oohh I am jealous.  But here is my question.  I am 5 ‘ 3″ tall.  You figure a pair of legwarmers are at least a foot high.  On me that comes to my knees.  Combine that with a sweater on top and jeans on the bottom and I am essentially bulging thigh girl in leg warmers.  Mind you, I have tried none of this out.  I am simply trying to sort through appropriate cold weather gear waiting for the blizzard.   Here is my decision. 

    On some days, what you wear and how you look never matter, at least to the people that I know and even to the citizens of Chicago who watched me prance around with my ass hanging out in the long underwear.  Those days, I may be able to get away with legwarmers.  Most days though, I think I would just look like BULGING THIGH GIRL THE SUPERHERO!!!.  But you know what, even if I did, at least I’d be warm.  I also bet someone out there would be checking out my legwarmers thinking….”legwarmers?  I just love legwarmers.”