To reiterate what my intention for this blog is….to share with others, my journey in the health at every size revolution. I choose to call it that, because I believe I am standing out against the grain and am participating in something that might make a difference for others.
A Revolution is:
||an overthrow or repudiation and the thorough replacement of an established government or political system by the people governed.
||Sociology. a radical and pervasive change in society and the social structure, esp. one made suddenly and often accompanied by violence (on this point, let’s hope not).
||a sudden, complete or marked change in something: the present revolution in body size
Yes, I think I picked the right word.
That said, I had what I consider a bit of a breakthrough this week. One of the many things I “work on” every day is to consider the emotions associated with food outside of hunger. Mouth hunger is what it is called, though I believe that is a little misleading, because sometimes I eat when neither my mouth or stomach are hungry. I am getting pretty good at figuring out what I am actually hungry for and identifying when I am not hungry but still eat. I mean, I will sit there with a bag of nuts or chips and tell myself that I am not hungry, I am bored, and still continue to eat. That is okay though. I am not supposed to pass judgement on myself at this point in the process….and I hope ever.
So, here I am talking to my therapist about how I am really getting pretty good creating the right food matches for when I am hungry. Eating out of hunger. Where I struggle is with the ice cream. I mean come on. We have this great Gelato place down the road that we go to…the bacci is so good. I begin to explain the ritual that I go through with my husband when we go out for gelato. Well…we put the kids to bed, or sometimes the mother in law does that for us and we head out of the house for gelato. As my very clever therapist sits there eyeballing me with the look of “duh” another piece of the puzzle goes into place in my brain. Here we both are, very active people just trying to get our shit done. We barely have three minutes of alone time and I wouldn’t call any conversation we have at home a connection. When we actually get out of the house, away from it all, we are able to connect on a deeper level. I KNOW I am a BRAIN surgeon here. But really, what I am doing to myself is going to eat gelato so that I can talk to my husband.
Case and point, this week, we couldn’t get away. I put our son to bed and my husband came home with my very favorite gelato. When he showed me the brown bag filled with gelato, I actually felt myself getting a little irritated and couldn’t figure out why. I sit down to eat the gelato while he lays on the sofa watching TV. I decide to just put the gelato back in the freezer and go to bed.
After I have this revelation in my revolution, I decide to talk to my husband about my new found wisdom. Don’t think that I am all of the sudden blaming this lack of communication with hubby for the reason I overeat….that isn’t it. What I did see is that I really do eat out of emotion….every day. If I spend a little more time thinking about why, maybe I won’t substitute food for something like communication.
While the gelato actually might have helped me get to my husband. It isn’t going to replace him and it certainly isn’t going to talk to me.