funny

A’s Big Secret

This morning as I brushed her hair, my daughter whispered that her friend Olivia had told her a big secret this weekend and that no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t tell me what it was.  I sort of freaked out a bit here.  You can imagine the things that were going through my mind that Olivia had shared with her in secret.  I continued to brush her tangles and carefully chose my next words.

“Honey, you can’t have secrets from Mommy and Daddy.  I know sometimes it is hard to tell us everything, but if Olivia told you something and didn’t want you to tell us, it really is best if we know.”

“I am so worried that she’ll be disappointed in me.  Promise you won’t tell her I told you.”

“I can’t promise I won’t tell her, but I can promise that telling me won’t hurt anyone.”

“Okay Mommy…..Olivia is a vampire, a real one.”  she told me with sincerity.  I thought about laughing, but her serious tone told me this just wasn’t the time to laugh.

“Honey?  How does Olivia eat, does she drink people’s blood?”

” No Mommy, she drinks her own blood.  Like this.” A put her wrist to her mouth and pretended to bite herself.

“I know she convinced you she is, but I honestly don’t believe Olivia is a vampire.”

“That makes me so happy Mommy, because vampires scare me.”

“They scare me too.”cartoon vampire girl image

Fat girls can’t wear pumps.

Have you ever played the game Apples to Apples?  Well, around the family game table at Christmas our family was playing.  The premise is this, you get a “hand” of 6 or so cards with something written on it.  It can be noun or verb.  I don’t think adjectives or adverbs…..anyway.  From the six you have to choose the best card–the one card that the person who is “it” would like.  

While I don’t remember the actual cards that were on the table that night, they were something like this:

 barf bag,  high heel shoes, pantyhose, and Hummers

I put the cards into the following order starting with the things I like: 

high heel shoes

pantyhose

barf bag

hummers

So my sister starts challenging the order of the cards, she is thinking I misunderstood or made a mistake.  Like, I should love barf bags more than high heels, or hummers for goodness sake.  My other sister starts defending my love of a little height in the shoe.  She knows I enjoy some lift on occasion.  I was curious about my one sister’s reaction.   At first, I thought it wasn’t okay for anyone to wear pumps, like she is a pump racist or something.  But as the conversation continued, I realized that she feels  “normal size” people can wear them, but it isn’t okay for any fat girl to wear pumps. 

It reminds me of what the goddesses of fat fashion say about dress buying.  (click there cause her talk of hiding the fatty bits here and there will make you laugh.)

I am so confused about this philosophy of “you are too big to wear ______”.  Okay, so I choose not to wear a mini skirt and bikini top to work.  But a pair of shoes?  How are shoes too flashy for the fat girl?  I have nice biker girl legs, I feel taller in them which gives me very good posture (of course I often fear walking on any newly polished surface, but that is another issue)  Frankly, I can’t wear Birkenstocks and Keens every day to work.  I try to be a professional some of the time and come on, slacks and Keens aren’t business attire.

I thought I would put it out there as a topic for discussion, and even let the sister know I have this blog so she can speak for herself.   Comments welcome  wanted.